Blog Title: Overheard @ Stanford

Is the practicum for this class mandatory?

Professor: So the probability you've got a straight on your hands is
determined by what comes out the back end here.

-- MS&E lecture

But at least it pays for tuition, right?

Girl on Bike: "Yeah, and I might have to get naked tonight, so that also sucks."

-- Outside the Bookstore

"You drink the HCl, I'll drink the H20, and we'll see who gets heartburn."

"Wait, so is the stronger acid HCl or H20?"

-- outside Hewlett

Now say, "I'm leaving you for someone less repulsive"

Disgruntled significant other: "'You're a sick fuck.' There, I said it."

-- ZAP

Just be glad he doesn't do CSRE

Prof: "Who can tell me the difference between a birch tree and a beech tree?"
[Student raises his hand.]
Student: "A beech tree's got lighter bark."
Prof: "But otherwise there's no difference?"
Student: "...I dunno 'bout the leaves or anything, but when you buy furniture from Ikea, beech wood's always lighter."
Prof: "But could you identify a birch tree from a beech tree if you saw
one on campus?"
Student: "If I cut it down, maybe."

-- 300-300

Does this have anything to do with monkeys or typewriters?

Sweet-toothed student: "If you put an infinite amount of candy corn in
front of me, I will eat until I die. Do you understand that?"

-- Kresge Aud.

Bizarrely enough, the Honor Code does

Obviously a Guy: "The Fundamental Standard does not apply to girls having sex."

-- Terra

Let the nerd-off begin!

Guy to study partner: "My dad took Calculus before your dad!"

Just Say Maybe

Girl: "No, no! Vicodin is bad! ... Vicodin is bad, Percoset is good!"

-- Manzanita Dining

Philadelphia, but no cream cheese?

Girl, looking at menu: "It has lox in it, but it doesn't have salmon!"

-- Stacks, Menlo Park

The public responds to Willy Wonka's corporate press release

Girl, in all seriousness: "Candy is NOT food! [Loud Scream] Take it AWAY!!!"

-- Stern parking lot

I hear The New York Times is a dumbass

A: "Don't you read The Daily, B?"
B: "No, 'cause The Daily's stupid and I know more than it."

-- Bob Lounge

In a psych ward far, far away...

"He has to SAVE the UNIVERSE! Do you know what that's like? Do you know what that feels like? No! Because you're not Luke Skywalker!"

-- Cardenal dining room

Schiphol International's Daily Gay Dutch Pot Parade

Well-traveled Hiker: "The first two things I saw when I got off the
plane in Amsterdam were a guy with a bong and a gay parade."

-- Big Sur

Do you have people-sized condoms?

Girl, to Guy: "Look, you can only have one dick - and it can't be your
entire body."

-- Bob

L'eau du Fils d'un Ouvrier de Moulin

Straight guy, commenting on Sen. John Edwards: "His cologne smells really good!"

-- Faculty Club

Girl-on-girl action: not a factor

Guy: "I think the reason I'm attracted to lesbians is their indifference to men."

-- Tressider Union

But will it lead to real poking?

Girl: "I can't believe you text-messaged me telling me to poke you on FaceBook!"
Guy: "Well, umm, yea ..."

-- Bob Dining

What? Why ya lookin' at me like that?

Guy #1 to Guy#2: "I was sitting and then it squirted all over my shirt..."

-- The Quad

Cruel yet Somewhat Usual Punishment

Somewhat Drunk Girl: "Did my boyfriend abandon me? I'm not sleeping with him again, like, ever!"

-- ΣΝ

... yes?

Sophomore: "Would you like a beer?"
Freshman named Bill: "Yes. When was the last time I turned down a beer? Who do you think I am? Who do you think I am? Not Bill?"

-- Twain

He's going places

Guy: "I hate traveling but I like going places."

-- Trader Joe's

No one likes a smart-ass

Frosh, holding cell phone: "Does this have a picture-taking thingy?"
Grad Student: "You mean a camera?"

-- Honolulu International Airport (HNO)

No comment.

Girl: "Slower, and harder. Down!"
Guy: "You're very patient."

-- Toyon Hall

'Gender Equality: Now Featuring Male Chauvinism'

Girl: "Wow, look at the cleavage on this bitch!"

-- Toyon Hall